Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i need some magic done to my vagina
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
