barbara walters just said penis...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
