grandma shit on top of the toilet
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
