I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
