look no pants
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
