just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
