clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
