She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
