GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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