One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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