...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
