I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
