I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
