I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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