next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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