What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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