Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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