He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
