this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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