god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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