I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
