Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
