I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
