it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
But we have bathrooms and they dont
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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