"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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