Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
