You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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