your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
