I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
