He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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