Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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