Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
