I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think my moral compass just broke
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
