just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
