No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
