Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
