I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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