Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
