What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
