Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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