bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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