just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
