Why are handjobs necessary in class?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
