I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
