I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We had to coat check the pizza.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
