i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
