So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
