Don't make out with my wife yet
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
