my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
