I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
