Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
