I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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