I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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