I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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