I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Please don't give away my fajitas
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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