I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
