Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
