I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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