I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
