he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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