im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
