sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
