i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
