I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
